The Insane OneshotsPlot Bunnies
by Mrs.Potter-Black-Riddle-Malfoy
Summary: These are just crazy, insane plot-Bunnies I had to turn into one-shots otherwise I would try to write them all into full stories and never finish them. Enjoy!
1. Mine

_**An Insane One shot #1

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**This is what happens when you let me get board while I have a computer. THIS IS JUST A RANDOM JOKE BECAUSE I'M REALLY BOARD.**

**Warning: OOC, Random, and slightly crazy!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will. The only thing I own is my insanity and the strange plot! NO STEALING!  
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**This happens in GOF when everyone is ignoring Harry (in this one, Hermione is to)

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'God life sucks' Harry thought to himself, sitting alone at the Gryffindor table. He sighed to himself, looking up as the mail came.

Surprisingly, Hedwig and another owl stopped by him. Hedwig had a letter tied on her leg and the other owl had a package. Harry frowned silently before reading the letter. He then broke into a wide grin, cackling evilly.

Suddenly Malfoy was standing behind him frowning. "I know that's her owl! Give them to me!" Malfoy demanded. Harry frowned at him.

"No way! They are MINE! I will not share." Harry growled.

"Give them!" Malfoy said.

"No way!" Harry responded

"Give!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

At this point all other talking had stopped and all eyes were on them. Harry's and Malfoy's eyes locked on each other before nodding.

"Rock, paper scissors!" They yelled (the whole hall did one of the 'Anime sweat drops'). Malfoy had paper, Harry scissors. Harry cackled before pulling out a bag of cookies from the bag (The sweat drops just grew).

"No fair! Mrs. Snape makes the best cookies ever!" Malfoy pouted. Harry nodded.

"Yes! They are soooooooooooooooooooooo good!" he said. He watched Malfoy eye the cookies for a moment. "If you want one, you know the drill, equal trade." Harry said. Malfoy frowned for a moment.

"What about a diamond? Or an emerald?" He asked. Harry shook his head.

"I have 20 of those at home! What if you take my place Tri-wizard chump- I mean champ, then it would be even!" Harry said. The whole hall was shocked at this. Malfoy burst out laughing.

"Do I look suicidal?" He asked. Harry pouted. He was about to say more when Snape came over and took the bag of cookies out of Harry's hands, gave one to Malfoy and put one in his mouth.

"Hey! They are mine!" Harry whined. Snape rolled his eyes.

"My wife, my cookies." He told Harry. Harry glared.

"She was my aunt first!" Harry complained.

"Yes, yes, yes! But these are my cookies now." Snape told him and ate another. Harry glared.

"I'm telling Auntie Patty you aren't sharing!" He threatened. Snape rolled his eyes.

"Are you 5 years old?" He asked.

"If I say yes will it get me out of the tournament?" Harry asked, a hopeful tone in his voice.

"No.

"Damn! Which God did I piss off in another life?" He questioned.

"Hm, the god of death probably, you almost die so many times…" As Malfoy said this, the "God of Death" nodded mumbling about stupid invisibility cloaks and Fanfictions being wrong about 'Harry needing to stay alive'.

"No, it's the God of Danger, he must love you." Snape said. As this was said, the "God of Danger" was chuckling about how entertaining this "Boy-Who-Lived" was and how he can make more trouble for him (Like making him part Vampire-Veela-Werewolf-Elf-Demon-Angel! Or giving him a mate he hates but will slowly fall in love even though they have tried to hurt/kill each other before.)

"Whatever. Can Aunt Patty come up for the tournament?" Harry asked. Snape nodded.

"Yes, she has wanted to see you do one of your death defying stunts since the first one."

"Speaking of death defying stunts; how's Padfoot?" Harry asked. Snape smirked.

"Your Dogfather is fine, he's been pouting because Patty refuses to give him cookies." Harry burst out laughing.

"He shouldn't play pranks on the one who feeds him! He should have learned that after my mom fed him dog food for a week." Harry mused.

"That's a good idea! Let's try it on Pansy!" Draco said. Said girl then glared. Snape sighed

'I should have know that putting them in the same room as my wife would turn into chaos.' HE sighed before devouring another cookie.

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_**END!**_


	2. Girlwhochangeditall

_**Insane one shot #2

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**I was board, DON'T STEEL MY IDEA!**

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_**IN LOVING MEMORY OF 9-11, WHERE TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST THEIR LIVES. ALL WILL LIVE ON IN OUR HEART!**_

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**PS: takes place in GOF, November 2**

**PSS: this is AU, random as well.

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_**Chapter 1: Secret's Out**_

_**Third POV:**_

The whole room was silent as he walked in, before breaking into whispers. The boy scowled at this, thinking how quickly the tides can change. He went over and sat by himself, thinking about how his whole world turned on him. He sighed and shook his head; it wouldn't do good to think about traitors.

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_Flashback-_

_Harry frowned at the party in the Common Room. None of them believed the truth. He walked over to the staircase where two shadows encountered him._

"_How could you? Did you want all that glory for yourself? Can't you save any for your best friends?" Ron snarled and Harry. _

"_Harry, too many people have died in this. How can you put yourself in danger like this? For what, $1,000 galleons?" Hermione spat._

"_How could you, I though you guys were my friends?" Harry growled. _

"_Not anymore, you selfish git, can't even stop thinking of yourself! I'm done risking my arse for you! Go get yourself almost killed again, just leave us out of it!" Ron yelled. Hermione glared at him in agreement. _

"_Do whatever you wish then, just don't come crying to my when you learn the truth!" Harry yelled back. He spun around, back to his dorm._

_End Flashback

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He sighed again, before munching on some toast. Can this get worse?

"Oh, is little Potty moaning and groaning about losing his little Mudblood and Blood-traitors?" Malfoy taunted. Harry turned and looked around the room before glaring at Malfoy. The whole school was watching.

"Wow, were you up all night thinking up that Malfoy, or did the two idiots behind you come up with it?" Harry asked. Malfoy was about to speak up when suddenly, a girl about their age burst through the main doors. She looked around the room before she settled on them. The girl then run strait for them, jumping on Malfoy's back.

"What the Hell?" Malfoy said, as the she settled on his back. The girl them hit Malfoy in the back of the head and glared at Harry.

"Can you two quit for five seconds? God, you two are worse them an old married couple!" She complained. Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Me, you two are the couple, must I remind you of all the times I've seen you two in the broom closets? I can't even look at my Firebolt the same cuz' you guys didn't bother to take it out last time!" Harry complained. The girl blushed but Malfoy smirked.

"Aw, is ickle Harry jealous that he can't get a girl to look at him, let alone snog." Harry glared at him before replying.

"Need I remind you of last summer?" He challenged. Malfoy blushed and the girl giggled. She turned to the Head's table.

"Come on, last go talk to my favorite person ever!" She cheered. Harry poked her in the ribs.

"Aw, when was I demoted?" He pouted.

"Hm, maybe when you died all my robes hot pink?" She asked.

"Touché!" He replied. They walked over to the staff table while the rest of the school looked, on confused as hell. Malfoy and Potter, joking with each other? Who's that girl? WTF are they talking about?

They stopped in front of Professor Snape, who, looked less then pleased at this.

"Presenting King Snape, ruler of all dungeon bats and spiders, to the Princess." Harry said with an exaggerated bow. Snape smirked at this.

"Oh, this coming from the court jester of hyphens, Mr. The-Boy-Who-Lived- But-Needs-A-Life. I don't suppose that anyone would listen if I said off with your head?" Snape pondered.

The whole school was in shock. Potter just insulted Snape to his face and LIVED! Not to mention Snape was joking back at him!

"I would!" Malfoy smirked, wand in hand, pointed at Harry's neck. The girl hit him in the back of the head. He sighed and put down his wand. Harry Pouted

"No one ever sides with me!"

"Of course not! It would be too easy if we did. I still don't know why we keep you around!" Snape snapped.

"Because I promised to feed him, and brush him, and love him forever and ever, so you let me keep him as a pet. Anyway, how are you Daddy?" The girl asked. Snape smiled at her before sighing.

"Why are you here Jackie? You were still with your Mom last time I checked." He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Mom said that she's sending me here because I keep turning her friends into frogs. It's not my fault they annoy me!" the girl, now known as Jackie, complained. Snape sighed again.

"And she didn't Floo….Why?" He asked

"She knew you would say no and though that if I was here you couldn't sent me back." She said.

"Let me guess, she is now at any of the manors but wants you to go to school?" Snape said.

"Yep! So where's my room?" She asked. Snape pointed to the headmaster.

"Oh, Hi Gramps! Mom said to tell you she's calling in that favor about the time in Cuba, whatever that means!" As Jackie said this, Dumbledore groaned. Why did he have to drink that Fire Whiskey? And of course it had to be 'Patty Snape (nee Potter)' who found him!

"Yes Jackie dear, you can sleep in the guest rooms until we have this all straightened out. Harry, Draco, do keep an eye on her, and take her to your classes** (A/N: pretend they all share the same classes).** We wouldn't want Ms. Snape to get in trouble."

"Oh of course we'll-" Harry started

"Keep her out of trouble Professor-" Draco continued.

"But, we can't-"

"Promise she'll be able-"

"To keep us out of it!" They finish together, eerily like the Weasley Twins. They chuckled darkly while Jackie pouted.

"Since when am I trouble?" She asked. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, "Don't answer that. Come know boys, we have people to see, things to do, and pranks to pull on the unworthy, this way, to the guest rooms!" She said pointing. Draco began to take them that way.

"The guest rooms are that way." Harry told them, pointing toward the Ravenclaw tower.

"No you idiot, there that way!" Draco argued, looked to the room toward the dungeons.

"No, no, no! There, over there, up to the seventh floor!" Jackie told them. They quickly left the hall. Dumbledore turned to Snape.

"Severus, do you think we should tell them that the rooms are on the third floor?" He asked, not sure what to do. Snape, shook his head.

"No, they will search around the castle for a few hours, finally break down and call a house elf to help, and get to the room before realizing that they don't know the password and come down to my office, ask, get lost for half an hour before finding the room and falling asleep." Snape explains.

"How do you know this?" Dumbledore asked.

"Oh, it happens every time they are at the Snape, Potter, or Malfoy manors. I often wonder why my wife, Narcissa, and I put up with it. Honestly, I think they do it on purpose." He complained.

"So the Potter Manor was in good shape after all?"

"Yes, house elves do wonders. My dear wife sadly seems to like her nephew Potter and helps out quite a bit. I do wish she would have told me before sending Jackie here. Hogwarts won't know what hit it." Snape said, looking at the still shocked faces.

**Did I do well? Do you like it? The OC make everyone else OCC!**

** Note: if anyone wants the idea, ask, don't just take it please!**

**REVIEWS ARE THE BEST!**

_**IN LOVING MEMORY OF 9-11, WHERE TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST THEIR LIVES. ALL WILL LIVE ON IN OUR HEART!**_

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1.03.01


	3. Mark Evens

_**Insane One Shot #3

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_**A/n:**_** This is something that has come through a bunch of Fics but I decided to do my own one-shot about it.

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**_Disclaimer:_**

**_I wish I owned it but I don't, won't, and can't. pity me :( __

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**BTW: this is in 5****th**** year-ish **

Half way through the sorting feast, Harry potter slowly walked over to the Slytherin Table. The whole hall went silent as he went. Everyone saw he was walking over to the first years with a smirk on his face. As he stood right behind a group of ickle firsties, Malfoy stood up.

"What do you think you're doing Potty?" He asked. Harry rolled his eyes at him.

"None of your business Malfoy!" he said in an even voice. Harry then went behind one first year, picked him up, threw him on his shoulder, and walked them to Gryffindor.

"Harry! Put me down!" The first year said. Harry chucked.

"Now, now Mark, you think you can escape your favorite cousin? Please, I can tell your mother I'm kidnapping you and all she would say is 'That's nice honey, have a cookie'." Harry said. He then set Mark down on the chair next to his before sat down.

"Fine! You'd better help me with my homework though!" Mark demanded.

"Of course! We can't have ickle Markie fail out of Hoggy-Hoggy Hogwarts in first year can we?" He asked and Mark giggled.

"They wouldn't expel me! I'm the 'great and powerful Harry Potter sir's' favorite cousin." Mark said with his nose in the air like a pure-blood. Harry burst out laughing.

"You have been spending way too much time with Dobby. I got to start limiting your guys' sugar." Harry said. Mark shook his head.

"No way! If you did that, we would have to steal your defense books." Suddenly the owls came down. Hedwig stood up in front of Mark. He took the package and broke into a wide grin.

"Mum!" He exclaimed in a happy voice. He smiled and took out a snake. All surrounding girls (minus Hermione and Ginny) screamed. Snape came up behind the boys.

"Why did you kidnap my first year? And why do you have a snake?" He asked.

"I didn't kidnap the first year! I am just borrowing him! I'll send him back later!" he exclaimed.

"By the way my Mum told me to tell you if you aren't nice to Harry and I, she still has the pictures from party of '77, whatever that means." Mark said. Snape paled and gulped.

"She wouldn't…" He murmured. The snake hissed, both Mark and Harry laughed.

"Mum says she will." Mark said. Everyone look so confused. Harry hissed to the snake before a woman who could have passed for Lily Potter (nee Evens) Twin.

"Yes I would!" She giggled. Harry saw the entire room look confused and decided to explain.

"Meet Rosa Evens, my aunt. My was adopted by another family, Auntie went to Beauxbatons. They met in their sixth year. My Mum invited Auntie to a wild party in 1977." Harry told everyone. His Aunt took over.

"At said party; there were a lot of drinks. I brought a camera with me, so I have pictures of Dumbledore singing a Weird Sisters song, a drunk McGonagall dancing with Lupin, Your ruffled, smiley parents coming out of a broom closet, and Snape doing a lovely-" Snape covered her mother with his hand.

"Say another word and the boys hear of what you and Black did right after." Snape threatened. Harry smirked.

"We already know Professor." Harry smiled evilly. Snape glared and hissed something in Harry's ear, making Harry pale.

"Never mind!" He said quickly, not wanting that; he did not know the human body could bend that way, but he sure as hell didn't want to find out!


End file.
